Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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