I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He passed out mid-signature
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
