Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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