So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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