I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
