What did we do last night that was yellow?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
