I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
