listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
