Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i dont even know how to be here
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
