Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
