Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
