So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
