What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
