Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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