I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
