I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
