Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
