someone threw a dead crab at me
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
wow bdsm is so cute
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
