you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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