I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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