Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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