i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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