I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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