Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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