Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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