i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
