I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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