he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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