You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
