Dual....:-)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
