In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
