My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
