well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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