If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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