I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I forget how to act sober
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