By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
