i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
