The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
