You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
