I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
