dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
