If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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