Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
