it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
