FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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