It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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