i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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