I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
