imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
