Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
and you fell through a lawn chair
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
