She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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