What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
