Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
